assalamualaikum
OKay. It's obvious, the picture above is not me. But my post today has something to do with her
♥
HEHEHEHE.
Life's been hard for me nowadays. No. It's not that I have some sort of family problems. It's just about my life, me, and the way I'm treating people. Sometimes. I just feel like pushing everything away. With my Mid Year Examinations and all of the problems coming to me without stopping. I really do need a break from all of this shits.
First and for most. After I've ended my relationship with him, things been hard for me. It's isn't easy to accept reality that he isn't with me anymore. He's always been the one I'm depending on. And now, I have to go independant. Well, it wasn't easy at first until I realised that I got wonderful friends. Oh well, not to forget. My dearest senior up there in the photo.
Sometimes in life, I should really consider wether the steps that I took is right, or wrong. Because, for the past few days, I realised, that every mini step of mine, leads to crushed hope. Ex-boyfriend promised me, that we will get back together, after he ended his O levels. He once told me after the break up. He said this: "Regardless whether we've broken up or not, you're still mine" This sentence, gave me a lot of hopes. It's not just a small little hope. Each night before I go to bed, I will say to myself that sentence. Without fail. And the next day when I got up in the morning, I knew that my hopes keeps getting bigger and bigger. But like what I've said. Every time my hopes gets bigger, it will end up to only crushed hopes. Every single time.
I'm not saying it's his fault. Partly, it's mine too. I'm that type of girl who gets jealoused easily. All girls do get jealoused easily. And guys, we're jealoused not because we don't trust you. We're jealoused, cause we don't feel secured. Get that in your brain, to all guys out there.
OKay. Back to topic.
Sorry if I've been repeating the same thing over and over again. Yesterday, I had another fight with ex-boyfriend. Yes, and the cause is me. For this time round, I knew that this is gonna happen, yet I still took the risks. In life, we shouldn't be too friendly. Yesterday's fight between ex-boyfriend and I really made me lose hope. I was almost losing everything. Not almost. Infact, I really gave everything up. Read on, to know what happen.
I got a junior; Amir. I regarded him just like a best junior to me. Or just a friend. Nah, just a j u n i o r. He's 13, a year younger than me. I don't know what's gotta into him; he sent me home from school yesterday. He phoned me up on the Thursday afternoon. The moment I received his phone call, I knew, something will not be right from there. My insticts tells me so. I just accepted his offer, thinking that he'll understand, that I wouldn't fall for him. He treat me my favourite drink, and sent me home, right infront of my door. But things went wrong eventually. He started to call me his "baby" and said that I'm his, admirer. From there, I knew that I gotta get clean. Being straight forward, that's just me. "Idk ah whether kau anta to the right person or not. Just wanna tell you. Our relationship is only stakat senior and junior. I'm not giving you hopes. But yes. We're just something like brother/sister. Things will be impossible between us okay.
Yes. I do appreciate you sending me home and treating me Passion Fruit drink. But you gotta knw. I still hadn't move on. Yes. I am confused with my own feelings between me and Fairus.
We're only friends okay. Not more than tht. :)
"
That was what I said. Yes. You may say that I'm a bitch, slut, or a bad senior. BUT! I already said to him before, anything happens, I'll just regard him no more than a brother.
Sometimes. I just feel, it's my fault too. Yes. I'm not saying that it's Amir's fault. Maybe the way I treated him, makes him forget, he's my junior. Oh well. I'm not God. I'm just predicting. I am friendly. & I do think, I should stop that habit of being friendly.
Just because of that lil kid, that leads to my crushed hopes.Yes. I fought with ex-boyfriend. From that point of time, I already felt useless. I lost all my power. And for now. I just don't wish to elaborate much about me and him.
Words can kill someone. I don't want another misunderstanding to happen.
And for now. I'm not expecting much from him, from us, from anything. Just go on with the flow. If it's really our fate, we will be together. Insya'Allah.
Not to forget. I didn't post Ayuni's picture up there for fun
.She's been the one who gave me encouragements to continue with my life. Yes. I've always been the one to ask her to teach me Math, but plans will always cock up. She's always been the one who gave me great advices. Though she hasn't gone into a relationship, she will still give any advice, that will work for me. Aw. She's the best<3
HEHEHE. BIG EYES. :B
Not to forget. My dearest babygirl, Nur Ilyka Bte Salim. I miss dia boleh tak?
She's also been one of my closest girlf, who gave me courage to continue on.
Meeting up with her soon. No cock up plans please? :< HEHE
Allah. Please do make her strong. Babyg. I may not be there for you. I may not give the best advices like how you gave to me when I need those advices. Sorry if I can't do the same for you. But you know I love you :D
That's all for today. I've learnt my lesson. Not to be too friendly :P
Assalamualaikum.
Labels: High expections kills
