Sunday, 26 June 2011
Last blogged @ 12:33

Assalamualaikum.
Sorry for not posting lately. Life's been hard somehow. How should I start?

Okay firstly, I had a wonderful Saturday with my dearest Ilyqa and Wanie. We talked, we didn't gossip. But we bitch. We understand each other's life. My life's getting better, with them around me. We've been hanging out together lately, and yeah, I feel really closed to them. God has open my eyes widely, and see my surroundings. He gave me, the most understanding bestfriends, whom I know will never leave me, when I need them the most. Words can't describe anything. I just love my gunduheads<3

Okay. Talking about open my eyes widely. Since 22nd June, I started to see, the guy that is meant for me. This is how it goes; On the 16th, I met this guy, Eddie. Actually, he's been on my Facebook friendlist for quite sometime. Everytime I walk to Lakeside bus stop each morning to go to school, I'll eventually bump into him. And yeah, we chat for quite sometime, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. And yes, onbivously, I rejected. Not really rejected, I just kept quiet. Whenever he brought up that topic, I'll just change the topic. I kept quiet, and ignored him for quite sometime. Ignored as in, his calls and texts, I didn't bother to either answer or reply. We only did wall to wall posting on cyber. Then on the 22nd June, I suddenly received a text at night. Thinking it was Eddie, I didn't open that text, and just ignored it for more than half an hour. Then I opened that text after that. And nope. It wasn't Eddie. It was my used-to-be-other-half, and currently, still my other half.

Before I knew Eddie, we (me and my other half) had a big fight. Major big fight. Till he was pissed, he sent me this text on the 19th June: "Sorry. Have a gd lyfe aite?(: i won't disturb yr lyfe anymore." That's when we started to just stop contacting, he deleted me from Facebook too, yeah. And yeah, my heart beats fast, when I saw that unread message. I took me a few seconds, before I opened that text. It says: "Hmm, i really dun hav a chance to hav you again alrdy? :/"
And yeah, that text made me, smile widely. WIDELY. The first person to know about that message is my cutest girl, Ilyqa :D Only she knew, how happy I was. :P

And the next day, Eddie called me. I answered. He brought up the topic of being his girlfriend. And yeah, I may sound like a bitch here. I rejected him. But girls, before calling me a bitch, answer me. Would you want to lose your virgin to a guy who you don't love? Would you lie to your feelings, and be with a guy, that you don't love sincerely? You should know what I mean. :)

Let's just end it here. I don't wish to expose more about my life. My life, my matters. I don't wish to be an attention seeker, and post everything right here. All I can say is that, I love my life. Despite having a personal problems, which only my other half knows about it, I still love my life. Allah showed me to, real true friends. Allah showed me, to a guy, who really loves me. Alhamdullillah, amin.

I just hope my personal problems would end soon. I know, with the help of my other half, I know I'm going to be strong.

Assalamualaikum :)

Saturday, 11 June 2011
Last blogged @ 12:34

Humans make mistakes. We can't just run away from them. Humans are not born perfect. We have our own personality

that might hurt other parties at times.

Learn to forgive. Learn to forget. Learn to stand up.

And start all over again. 

Let the mistakes guide you to your life.

Last blogged @ 12:23

I never love or even agreed when my juniors are the reason why you laughed. I never liked it, when I know you more longer than they knew you, but they are able to make your day. While me, I knew you more than a year, and even got into a relationship with you, but I'm not able to make you smile, even for a day. Everytime we communicated, I'm the only reason and cause of why we fight. I'm just an ordinary girl with no special powers. I can't attract your heart and attention like how I did last year, when we first met. I can't be the reason why you smile and laugh widely, each day. All I could do, is to ruin your day.

"If it's not the end, I'm still gonna put it to an end." That particular sentence you said. I can't get that off my head. I love you, and I really do. We're just friends now. You've been the only reason, of why I smile each day, the only reason why I'm getting stronger day by day. But I can't now. Not anymore. I can't be your superwoman anymore. I'm seriously weak, and I can't seem to get back up. That sentence, just that sentence, it made me lost my hopes and... I just can't get that sentence off my head. The moment I lost you one month ago, I already lost everything. My jealousy level rose up. I can't do anything about it. There's a lot of things that I didn't let you know. There's a lot of things that happened to me, that I didn't want to let you know. All I can say, I still have that strong feelings for you. I've found those love instincts. I'm lost myself. I don't know. I wanna keep those feelings, but I don't know. Would you be there for me, like how you did before? Would you? If I say, I could change, and it would take more than a year for me to change, would you wait? If I say, I can change, would you help me to? If I say, I'll wait, will you still wait for me, too?

I know, I'm not perfect. I know, I can't be like what you expected. I'm sorry. When I'm weak in your eyes, when I'm hurt, when I'm lost, all I could say is that, I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts, GETTING BLAMED FOR WHAT I DIDN'T EVEN PLANNED TO DO. IT FUCKINGLY HURTS, TO BE BLAMED, WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO PLAN TO DO ALL THIS STUPID STUFFS. You hurt me with your attitude. I'm done. Blame me all you want. Be my guest. Dengan nama Allah maha besar, aku tak de niat nak sakitkan hati orang yang boleh buat kau tersenyum lebar.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Last blogged @ 21:38