Saturday, 11 June 2011
Last blogged @ 12:23

I never love or even agreed when my juniors are the reason why you laughed. I never liked it, when I know you more longer than they knew you, but they are able to make your day. While me, I knew you more than a year, and even got into a relationship with you, but I'm not able to make you smile, even for a day. Everytime we communicated, I'm the only reason and cause of why we fight. I'm just an ordinary girl with no special powers. I can't attract your heart and attention like how I did last year, when we first met. I can't be the reason why you smile and laugh widely, each day. All I could do, is to ruin your day.

"If it's not the end, I'm still gonna put it to an end." That particular sentence you said. I can't get that off my head. I love you, and I really do. We're just friends now. You've been the only reason, of why I smile each day, the only reason why I'm getting stronger day by day. But I can't now. Not anymore. I can't be your superwoman anymore. I'm seriously weak, and I can't seem to get back up. That sentence, just that sentence, it made me lost my hopes and... I just can't get that sentence off my head. The moment I lost you one month ago, I already lost everything. My jealousy level rose up. I can't do anything about it. There's a lot of things that I didn't let you know. There's a lot of things that happened to me, that I didn't want to let you know. All I can say, I still have that strong feelings for you. I've found those love instincts. I'm lost myself. I don't know. I wanna keep those feelings, but I don't know. Would you be there for me, like how you did before? Would you? If I say, I could change, and it would take more than a year for me to change, would you wait? If I say, I can change, would you help me to? If I say, I'll wait, will you still wait for me, too?

I know, I'm not perfect. I know, I can't be like what you expected. I'm sorry. When I'm weak in your eyes, when I'm hurt, when I'm lost, all I could say is that, I'm sorry. It hurts. It hurts, GETTING BLAMED FOR WHAT I DIDN'T EVEN PLANNED TO DO. IT FUCKINGLY HURTS, TO BE BLAMED, WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO PLAN TO DO ALL THIS STUPID STUFFS. You hurt me with your attitude. I'm done. Blame me all you want. Be my guest. Dengan nama Allah maha besar, aku tak de niat nak sakitkan hati orang yang boleh buat kau tersenyum lebar.